Why I'm Quitting Wine (temporarily)

Yall, I LOVE wine. Like really really love it. To the point where I was basically the live version of the “mom so hard” memes on the daily. Wine was a part of everything I did socially, and a part of every single bedtime routine with my kids. This is where it all started. Our bedtime routine.

WHY is bedtime so hard for me?? Our kids are relatively good sleepers, they ALWAYS eventually go to sleep, but for some reason, my anxiety level skyrockets around 5pm every evening when I think about the looming battle upon us. So I drink wine… Well I did drink wine, until 19 days ago.

Momin’ so hard on Fourtha July

It was a habit, and became a habit that was getting out of control. I would open a bottle of my favorite chilled white every evening at about 5pm (sometimes 4:30 if I’m honest). Then sip my way through the evening. Sip through dinner prep. Sip through dinner failure as my 4 yr old refuses to try it. Sip through the after-dinner playtime, which usually involves wrestling, tag, a tickle fest, or some combination of all three – my kids become wild maniacs after dinner.  Sip through the battle to get the up the stairs and into the bath, and beyond. 

I’m convinced my kids might actually lose their hearing capability at about 6pm because it becomes nearly impossible to get them to follow directions. And that is INFURIATING after a whole day of dealing with uncooperative children. Am I right?! 

And so… the wine. Because with some wine, it all becomes a little less important. I can laugh at their antics with them and relax about keeping a strict timeline. And it all runs a little more smoothly (at least it does in my head).

With wine, these bedtime antics were hilarious

Ok, so what’s the problem with a little wine, right?! Well, a little wine, turned into a little more wine, and then a little more. Until I was easily drinking a whole bottle every night, and feeling physically pretty normal the next day. YIKES. Not only was that probably doing some serious damage on my liver, it was definitely doing major damage to my psyche. 

I felt so much shame for the amount I was drinking. I would wake up every morning thinking, “How did I get to this point?” and “Am I an alcoholic??” and “God, what would my husband think if he really knew just how much I was drinking?” Yep… I was hiding it… from almost everyone. So I would then spend most of the day beating myself up for having this habit. I’d hate myself for it, and vow to stop, or cut back, or take a break. But come 5pm every evening, I’d throw in the towel on all that nonsense and pour the wine. Because… toddlers.

It was a bad cycle. One that was ruining my relationship with MYSELF. I mean how much I could accomplish in the day, if I wasn’t spending half of it dwelling in the downward spiral of self-hate? 

So, 19 days ago, while I was on my afternoon run, I hit my breaking point. I was listening to a Tony Robbins podcast (more on that another time, but add it to your listen list!) and all of the sudden I realized that I hadn’t actually heard anything he’d said for the past 15 min because my mind had been spiraling about my drinking habit. So I stopped, and went back a couple of minutes on the podcast. I heard him ask the question “What do you really WANT?!” 

And then I lost it…. In a hyperventilating, ugly-crying-in-public, feel-like-you-might-vomit kind of way. It was in that moment that I realized, this was NOT the relationship I wanted to have with myself. And something HAD to change, NOW.

So I went straight home, poured out the remaining wine in the fridge and called my husband in tears to get it all out. I had to call him at work, because I knew if I waited until the evening, I’d chicken out, open wine, and continue to keep it all to myself.  Thank God, I mustered up the courage to do it. He’s been incredibly supportive – in fact everyone in my life has been. 

Lawdalmighty though, this has NOT been easy.  I want to quit almost every single evening. But my goal is to break the daily habit and fall in love with myself again. And I’m doing exactly that. 19 days in… 

Loves, tell me. Do you have self-destructive habits? Have you had success in breaking them? What did you do to make the change and how long did it take?