The Myth of Balance (part 1)
/A couple of weeks ago, I posted a photo on instagram of our kitchen table. The kids were doing some learning activities - practicing letters or numbers or something - and I was finishing up my latest blog post. It was a rare moment of quiet, where everyone was engaged in something worthwhile and we were all working together well. A few hours later, I saw that I was getting comments like “You’re amazing!” and “I have no idea how you do it all!” And I realized that I had done the social media thing that I despise - I had posted the best, most perfect moment where everything looked easy. And I had given the false impression that our life was a beautiful balance of learning and productivity and perfection.
Later on, I posted in my stories, to show the whole scene. The clothes and toys all over the floor, my unwashed face and unbrushed hair, and my napping daughter asleep in front of the TV. I am not “doing it all!” and we aren’t in perfect balance here.
Here’s what a typical “school” day actually looks like here:
5:15am - M wakes up WAY too early in the morning. I attempt to put her back in her bed, but she whines and cries and refuses. She’s really good at the “no bones” game too, so I can’t even pick her up. Since our apartment is tiny, and I don’t want her to wake her brother up, I give in and she’s up for the day. Shannon and I take turns getting up with the kids, so (THANK GOD) some days I get to keep sleeping through this madness.
5:18am - TV is on with some Netflix show playing and I get coffee going. In the mornings, we rest on the couch with TV for WAY longer than I’m even willing to admit…
A more accurate depiction of what happens in the mornings here.
6:30/7am - Ash wakes up, usually in a horrible mood and doesn’t want anyone to look at him. Perfect way to start the day, right?
8am - The sun is finally up and I start to think about the plan for the day. But still don’t actually get off the couch. I have probably at least brushed my teeth by now... So that’s a win. I’ve scrolled Instagram & Facebook, deleted all 35 junk emails that came overnight, and I’m starting in on my Beautycounter To Do list from my phone.
8:30am - I get my booty in gear and get dressed in “regular clothes” - which is really just a better fitting and more expensive version of pajamas (thank you Lululemon!).
9am - “Time to learn kiddos!” So far, we’re about 3 weeks into my attempt at homeschooling. Preschools in Vancouver are impossible to get into apparently. We learned that one of them in our neighborhood has a waitlist of 1-3 years. So, now I’m a homeschooling parent I guess. The biggest reason I’ve taken this on is because Ash needs it. He thrives in a super structured environment and my natural way of being is the exact opposite of structured. When we have no set plan, he can’t anticipate what’s going to happen and his behavior gets cray - ie. bring on the tantrums. So, here we are. Attempting structure and learning.
9:01am - The request to come to the table for “school” is often met with excitement, but occasionally, when both kids got up too early, it doesn’t go well. I’ve tried to plan fun activities for each day focusing on our letter of the week, but it’s hit or miss how they’ll be received.
10am - The kids have plowed through all the activities and I’m scrambling to find something else for them to do. Enter abcmouse.com!! We got a subscription as a gift from Grandma this year and it’s been AMAZING. Both kids get to do activities and games while they learn at their own pace. M is learning to identify letters and numbers, while Ash is moving on to more in depth sounds, sight words, and some math. They are learning to solve problems, think critically, and follow directions. They absolutely love it and I feel so much better with them having screen time when they’re learning so much.
11am - We need lunch, but no one wants to eat, so that’s cool.
11:30am - Everyone is going stir crazy - we’ve had at least 3 whining/screaming tantrums by now and I’m already starting to lose my sh*t. We need to get out of the apartment!
11:45am - We fight about what clothes the kids have to wear. Ash doesn’t want to wear warm pants or layers. M doesn’t want to wear a sweater. It’s 45 degrees out, but feels like 35 with the wet gray sky. We spend 30min whining, crying, refusing, before I can finally convince them (or bribe them…)
12noon - We make it to the park!! Hallelujah! I’m freezing, but the kids are playing and I can pull out my phone and get some work done in between the “Mom come watch this!!” shouts.
2pm - It’s too cold, and we need groceries. So the kids hop into our rickety umbrella stroller and we walk to the store. They probably fall asleep on the way. Which is just perfect because that will make bedtime insane. Ugh.
3pm - The kids slept the entire walk to the store, through the store, and home. I made it home with 800lbs of kid+groceries+wine piled into the stroller and on my back. I count that as a workout, so WINNING!
3:10pm - TV is on again - I need some time to unpack the groceries and take a few minutes to follow up on messages and reach out to clients.
4:30pm - The sun is setting, the kids are either still watching TV or playing on abcmouse - I feel super guilty about the amount of screen time they’re having. But rather than do anything productive about it, I pour myself a glass of wine and sit down with them. Afterall, it’s evening now and it’s almost dark.
5:30pm - On a good day, I’ve made dinner and we can all eat when Shannon gets home! On a normal day, I’m still making dinner when Shannon gets home. On a crappy day, I’ve ordered delivery at 4pm, the kids have already eaten and there’s some left over for Shannon when he gets home. For the rest of the evening, we rotate between playing games, wrestling and watching TV. And there are usually at least 2-3 sibling fights that need refereeing...
6:45pm - “Team Taylor! Time for baths!” Then there’s at least 15 min of stalling and whining before their naked tushies are in the tub.
7:15pm - Someone’s screaming about jammies, or milk, or a snack, or brushing teeth, or something completely random. The screaming is out of control with these kids… but that’s a post for another day. Thank goodness this is a solid building because I’ve legitimately been concerned that our neighbors will call the police, thinking we’re abusing our children. In fact, the other night, when both of the kids were screaming, I may have told them that the police were going to come thinking we were hurting them… I know, not my best parenting move, but it did scare them into quieting down a little.
8pm - Both kids are in bed. Since they had a nap though, they won’t be actually asleep for another 30min. So M will probably come out of their room claiming she’s “having a bad dream” at least twice….
8:30pm - Shannon and I are already in bed. Goodnight.
2 days a week Shannon doesn’t go into the office until the afternoon, so I get to spend the morning writing or connecting with Beautycounter clients. And that’s how I fit it all in! A little here and there throughout the day, and a couple of mornings a week. It’s ANYTHING but balanced, though.
We watch WAY too much TV
The kids eat snack foods more than real meals
I haven’t had an actual workout in more than a month
Our apartment is constantly a mess with toys, books and clothes
*Side Note- Do any of your kids insist on changing clothes 37 times a day?! There are literally clothes everywhere.
I haven’t shaved my legs, or gotten a haircut in way too long
Our kids throw tantrums like they’re getting paid to do it
The truth is though, I believe that life isn’t meant to be balanced, it’s meant to have seasons. And our priorities change, ebb and flow from season to season. This season of life for us is about growth. Helping the kids grow physically, emotionally, and mentally. Personally, growing as an entrepreneur and creative professional. Shannon, growing as an academic and an entrepreneur as well. All of us growing emotionally as self-aware and confident humans.
Growth is amazing, but it’s often messy and hard and sometimes ugly. And that’s our season right now.
I’m curious, what would call your season of life right now?
