...But What Will People Think of Me?

If you’re a dreamer, entrepreneur, or basically any kind of female human being, I would guess that this question, or a variation of it, has pulsed through your mind for as long as you can remember. It has become such a staple of your daily thoughts that you hardly notice it anymore. It flows in and out of your day, soaking up your energy and leaving uncertainty and confusion in its path.

I know this because I work with a huge group of women, and almost all of them have verbalized this theme throughout their professional journey. Oh and hi, I am one of those women too. But I’m working my booty off to beat the living daylights out of that hideous little voice. And I want you to do it too.

What will people think of me….

...if I buy these oreos for my kids?

...if my son screams his way through my workout today?

...if I gain too much weight this pregnancy?

...if I open up about my struggles?

...if I start my own business?

…if I want more out of my life?

...if I want to make more money?

...if I don’t want to go back to work?

...if I DO want to go back to work?

I could list for hours and hours, but I know you get the picture. Because you have this questioning voice as a part of your daily routine, too. You measure your choices against an imaginary opinion of someone else. It could be your best friend, your partner, your Facebook friends, the checkout gal at Target, your pastor, and probably your family too.

You might not even realize you’re doing it, but something is constantly tugging at you or giving you pause.

So where did this all come from?? Well, I can tell you about my experience and hopefully it will help you explore your own past for some explanation, so you can acknowledge it and set it free.

When I was young, I was bullied. Just like so many others, I was the target of some seriously nasty little girl behavior. It was an incredibly damaging experience, one that shaped who I was for the next 15-20 years. In 4th grade, a girl who was supposed to be my “best friend” started a campaign to turn everyone in our grade against me. She started a club, made posters and even had people sign a contract stating they would never be friends with me. I’m not kidding. There were posters with giant painted letters saying “Welcome to the A.L.L. (Against Laura Lister) Club!” (Lister was my maiden name). It went on for several weeks before my teachers and parents found out. I felt shame and embarrassment. I lost complete trust in my ability to be likable, and it took many years for me to find real confidence in myself again. After this experience, I became consumed with my worries about what others would think of me. Hello social anxiety, welcome to my brain.

Even beyond that, into my teens, reputation was always a big deal. And I know this value was instilled in me to protect me from being the selfish, irresponsible and wild teenager I probably wanted to be (thank you Mom & Dad!). No one benefits from having a crappy reputation for being a hideous human being. But, somewhere along the line, whether from societal pressures, family values, or a sh*tty 4th grade girl, we all became slaves to the invisible opinions of other people. And I use the words “invisible” and “imaginary” here because THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE.

We write stories in our minds of the conversations others are having about our choices… but Loves, those conversations usually AREN’T HAPPENING. Yet, we go on piling them up in our minds until we’re stuck and lost.

Loves, do you realize how destructive this is?? When I think back over my life, it actually hurts to think about who I could have been if I hadn’t been so concerned with what others would think of me. I always assumed it would be negative, and that held me back from so many things. And now, even as an adult with years of perspective, I still hear that question in my mind, “...but what will people think?” Because it’s so dang hardwired in there, I don’t always know how to silence it.  

How many times have you had a dream for your life, but shut it down because you were afraid of what other people would think if you pursued it?

How many times have you silenced your instincts about a relationship, or about your children because you were afraid of what someone else would think?

Can you think of an experience that launched your own campaign against yourself? If you can, share it in the comments and set it free.

Loves, listen to me right now. Your dreams and your instincts are EVERYTHING. So, stop wasting your precious creative energy to write all those opinion stories in your mind. I mean jeeeze, if you’re like me, your mental energy is a scarce resource as it is, you gotta conserve that sh*t!!

Here are some reminders I use for silencing that ugly voice:

1.    My instincts are a nudge from the Universe – following them will help me become the person I was put here to be.

2.    Nobody knows my potential but ME.

3.    My dreams are bigger than anybody else’s thoughts.  

4.    Other people are more concerned with themselves than anything I’m doing.

5.    My life is a miracle and I’m doing the best I can to honor that.

6.    I am in charge of my life, my choices make me who I am. And I am PROUD of who I am.

7.    I am exactly where I’m meant to be right now.

Steal these if you want. Write them down, put them up on your mirror, or in your car. Do whatever it takes to start silencing that voice so you can become your biggest, brightest self. YOU are in charge.