7 Things I Learned When I Gave Up Wine.
/A month ago, I made the decision to take a break from drinking. I had gotten to a yucky and self-destructive place with it and needed to make a change. During that 30 days off, I learned some super important lessons:
1. I can handle a lot more than I thought I could.
For me, wine was my crutch to help me get through the most challenging part of my day - the evening routine & bedtime. At the end of the day, my kids become complete maniacs. They turn off their ears, turn up the volume in their voices and all normal communication shuts down. And I’m tired... And then I’m “TIRED OF THIS!!” Wine was my “deep breath” to help me move through the evening with a little less edge. At least I thought that’s what it was. I thought I couldn’t do that part of the day without it. But it turns out, I can. And to be completely honest, the wine didn’t really do much to help. It actually had no effect on my patience level, no effect on how irritating uncooperative kids are, and definitely no effect on my ability to control any of it. All it did was make it all a little more blurry, and maybe a tiny bit more fun… sometimes.
2. Being fully sober means being fully present.
Aren’t we always talking about how we want to be present in our day-to-day lives? We don’t want to miss a thing during this crazy season of life with our tiny little ones. I think about this all the time - these years go by in a FLASH and whatever I miss, I don’t get back. I miss so much during the day as it is while I’m working, or making meals, or cleaning up, or wasting time on social media (ugh... ). Drinking wine every evening gave me the excuse to emotionally check out of the hard stuff. But that also meant being checked out of the good stuff too. The sweet snuggles once they finally do lay down. The hilarious questions they ask while I’m reading books. All the big, massive love that explodes out of each of them when they slow down long enough to notice it. Checking out of the evening is just not fair to my future self who will look back on these years and think “I wish I had been more present.”
Man alive, I do NOT want to miss this season with these beautiful tiny humans.
3. I really DO love myself.
My drinking habit had been taking up so much of my mental energy. Not even in an “I can’t wait for my next drink” kind of way, but in an “I hate myself for drinking EVERY SINGLE NIGHT” kind of way. The hateful self-talk was Out. Of. Control. And what a complete waste of time! I work so hard on keeping myself healthy and strong physically, and yet I was allowing my self-esteem to completely waste away. I would wake up in the night, or in the morning and start down a shame-spiral. “Why can’t I break this habit?” “Why can’t I handle my family without a little wine buzz?” It was endless, destructive and heart-breaking. Over the past month though, I have found the love for myself again! Hallelujah!! I have given myself grace, and forgiven myself for having a bad habit. This season of motherhood is HARD, and dammit I LOVE wine! And I’ve learned that I can love wine (in moderation) AND love myself at the same time.
4. Holy SMOKES the SLEEP!
I’ve had some level of insomnia since my early 20’s, and I’ve always been a super light sleeper. I didn’t realize how much worse it had gotten from drinking wine every night. I was waking up multiple times a night and staying awake sometimes for an hour or so. Usually letting my mind take over, sending me down that shame-spiral I mentioned. Well, hot damn! I’m sleeping like a rock now! When I fall asleep, I ACTUALLY keep sleeping, and then wake up feeling like a million bucks. It’s magical!!
5. It feels incredible to keep promises to myself.
How many times have you made a promise to yourself only to break it a few days (or hours) later? I can’t even count the number of times I’ve given up on myself. If I really think about it, probably every single day. I mean lets be honest, I promise I’m going to quit sugar EVERY morning, but by 8pm, all bets are off. Who’s with me? This time though, I made the promise to myself to go a month without booze and I feel SO proud that I actually followed through. I wanted to quit almost every day for at least the first 3 weeks, but I kept at it anyway and proved to myself that I CAN do hard things. I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to. That kind of confidence is worth all the discomfort along the way of achieving it.
You know you’re a mom when you make your own progress chart 😂
6. I can do hard stuff, but not always alone.
I got into this destructive relationship with wine all by myself, but I couldn’t break the habit without help. I’m not talking about a 12-step program (although, if you need that, share it, own it and go do it). I’m talking about the daily support I needed from my husband, my family and my friends. When I hit my breaking point and made the decision to make a change, I asked for help. I put it all out on the table to my husband, and then to my mom and then to my friends. And each of them offered encouragement and support when I needed it most. When the kids were REALLY testing me, my husband was there to say “You can do this.” When I wanted to have a glass of wine to settle my nerves, my mom was there to say “You don’t need it. You got this.” No matter what hard thing you’re going through, support and encouragement are everything. ASK FOR HELP.
7. Sharing the ugly secret takes away all its power.
Y’all I had been hiding this from everyone. Of course, everyone in my life knew that I had a love affair with wine, and my husband knew that I was having it every evening. It was a part of my identity! But nobody knew the shame I was feeling inside, or how out of control I felt with it all. The moment I finally opened up about all the things I was feeling, I felt a massive sense of relief. It was the starting point to healing my relationship with myself and breaking the habit. When you keep shame inside, you give it power over your life. And it sucks so much energy out of you. Lawdalmighty, we have more than enough things depleting our energy, we don’t need any more. Letting my shame out and sharing all the dirty details, stripped away its power over me. It lightened my load, and freed up the space in my mind to focus on all the positive parts of my life.
So be honest with me (and yourself). You deserve to fall back in love with yourself. Do you have a self-destructive habit that’s holding you back?
