“Follow your dreams…” We see this everywhere. On at least 17 ‘art’ frames in the decor section of Hobby Lobby, in our Instagram feeds nonstop, and just about everywhere else we turn. What does that even mean? How can we actually do that? And why should we? Most people see that phrase and leap into thoughts like, “Yeah right, I have responsibilities.” “I don’t have dreams.” or “Only selfish people do that.” Is it really selfish to follow your dreams? Is it responsible? Last week, I wrote about one of the most valuable reasons to shush those negative voices and dive into this process of self-exploration.

But, how do we even know what our “dreams” are?

10 years ago, I was in New York City as a 20-something. “living the dream.” I would wake up as late as I possibly could, throw on my office attire, grab a Red Bull at the bodega downstairs and race to the subway to attempt to get to work at a reasonable time. On the train platform, I’d stand sweating next to all the other overworked and exhausted professionals willing the next train to come as quickly as possible. I would turn up the music on my ipod and keep my head down because that’s what everyone else did. We’d all jam ourselves into the next overcrowded train car and ride to our respective stops like awkward preteens at a Valentine’s Day dance - pressed up against each other, but making absolutely no eye contact, if possible.  After my 30+ minute morning commute, I’d spend all of the light (plus some dark) hours in the office behind my computer screen, drawing details of elevator doors, or floor tiles, or something even more monotonous.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a life other people dream of. A life my family was proud of and one that earned me a lot of respect among my friends. It was a life that I had designed specifically for those reasons. I had studied interior architecture for 7 years and I was finally becoming a true professional. I was proud to tell people what I was doing and where I was living because it sounded exciting and impressive. But, behind the curtain, my emotional cup was empty. It was exhausting to keep up the appearance of success and joy while feeling so lost.

I wasn’t being true to myself and I wasn’t following my dreams, but at that point I couldn’t have told you anything about what my “dreams” actually were. I had never allowed myself to really listen to what I was being called to do. So, I thought that this life in architecture must be it, but then, I fell apart.

2 years later, I was a 28-year-old, moving back in with my parents with absolutely no direction. New York, and architecture, broke me, so I crash-landed at my parent’s house in Florida (thank GOD they were willing to take me back in) and began the journey to finding myself. It was a “crazy” move that nobody really understood, but it had to happen.

That time, right after NYC was the darkest time in my life. When I finally slowed down enough to really acknowledge how I was feeling inside, everything went black. I was lost and broken, and with no sense of purpose, I was really struggling. I remember spending almost an entire night awake praying for God to let me sleep and then to take me in my sleep, or give me the courage to take care of it myself. Like I said, it was a rough time. But hitting that rock-bottom zone was the catalyst for the kind of self-exploration that led me to where I am now. It gave me a starting point and forced me to really stop and listen to my heart. I HAD to figure out what was next and it HAD to come from inside ME.

So, I still didn’t know what I wanted, or who I was, but I had heard the voice inside that told me I needed to leave NYC. It was the first time I listened AND followed through with that voice. And once I got back on my feet (emotionally), it was the first time I had a glimpse of the most powerful version of me. I saw a little spark ignite when I realized, “hey, maybe I’m made for something more.” That felt powerful. My life in NYC broke me because I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose. I wasn’t acknowledging my true self, and I believe that the “faking it” made all the other life challenges overwhelming.

Do you ever hear the voice in your heart? Maybe it’s a tiny quiet sound that’s nearly impossible to decipher, or even just a feeling (hello women’s intuition). Maybe it’s loud and proud and shouts at you all day long. Either way, that voice is your truth, your authentic self, and it will lead you to your dreams (ie. what you are called to do or be) if you allow it.

that voice = your true self = YOUR DREAMS & YOUR CALLING

If you don’t think you have that voice, listen up - you’re just not hearing it. Everyone in this world is called to be something. YOU (the true, authentic version of you) are vital to humanity, and if you weren’t you wouldn’t be here. You were made to be EXACTLY who you are for a reason. So, let’s explore how to acknowledge that voice and learn who you are called to be.

Have you ever noticed a pattern in your thoughts? For example, while you’re driving the car and you let your mind wander, what do you see or think about deep in there? Do you ever notice repetition in the images that come into your mind? You guys, I believe that is your Creator banging on your door! Those thoughts and images are nudging (or sometimes aggressively pushing) you to your calling!

During my own exploration, I recognized that professionally, I was always searching for one thing: a job that would allow me to help people (mainly women) feel good about themselves, feel beautiful, and feel powerful. I always saw myself working to make a positive impact on women. It has changed shape over the years, but it is always there as a constant theme in the work that I feel called to do.

The moment we allow our minds to become quiet (for me it’s while I’m driving, or chopping vegetables for dinner, or knitting, or running, etc.) that’s when our thoughts can flow freely and lead us to the ideas that create our dreams/our calling. Try paying super close attention for the next few days and take notes on all the things that come into your mind. Images, words, ideas, memories… all of it.

There’s another challenge with this too. You have to reject any negative judgments on the thoughts that pop up. As women, we tend to censor ourselves, even inside our own minds. We have ideas pop into our minds, then immediately shut them down out of fear. “Oh that’s a stupid idea,” or “I could never actually do that, I would fail,” or “People would think I’m crazy,” etc. Sound familiar? It does for me too. In fact, I have those thoughts come into my mind DAILY. But, in order to truly find YOU, you need to send those judgmental thoughts on vacation for a while, ok? Eliminate any negative thoughts about your ideas for now, just to see what happens. If you allow the thoughts to flow, maybe you’ll find some recurring themes or patterns.

The truth is, most people never follow their dreams. And maybe it’s because they never allow themselves to listen deeply enough to that inner voice to figure out who they really are. But you deserve more than that and I know you have it in you.

When I was racing through my life in NYC, I appeared successful, talented and impressive to anyone who looked at me. On the outside, I was killing it! But, inside I felt like a shell of a person. I didn’t know exactly what I needed, but I knew I needed something different. It took a long time and a lot of exploration to finally recognize the patterns & ideas that led me to discovering my true self. And I’ve never felt more powerful than I do now.

This is an ongoing process though, I’m still constantly discovering and exploring! I don’t believe that every single person has just ONE calling, or ONE single purpose in life. I believe that our purpose is to become the best, brightest and most powerful version of exactly who we were made to be - THAT is what we are called to do.

You may be thinking,

“Ok, but what if I let down my family?”

“What about all the time I spent doing this other thing?”

“Is this selfish?”

If you missed it, check out last week’s post where I touch on the whole “selfishness” thing. (Spoiler: NOT selfish.)

So, do you have any repetitive ideas that pop into your mind? I would love to hear about them and how you came to recognize the patterns.

P.S. If you saw anything valuable in this, PLEASE share with your friends and family! You’ll be helping me continue to fulfill my own dreams of impacting and empowering more people just like you.